S/mileage Are All Grown Up in Their New MV! (Perhaps a Little too Grown Up…)

Aaaaah, S/mileage. In my head, I’ve always considered them to be the cutesy group of Hello! Project (and maybe you have, too). While MM, Berryz and C-ute were becoming more mature; while a new unit debuted with a sexy, ‘fresh’ image, S/mileage were always in the background, not really as popular as their seniors but not really caring, seemingly, because they were having fun in silly and cute MVs.

I don’t personally know when they started becoming more mature, but I think it was around the time the second gen sub-members became full-on members Junjou Hankouki was released. They started developing a more mature sound but they still retained a cute element to their videos. Their skirts were getting shorter but who cares? Look how cute Meimei is! There’s no way S/mileage could be sexy and mature with someone as cute as her, right?

Well, now I think we can say goodbye to the old S/mileage. The old S/mileage that sung about fun things like dates, and ecstatic loves (STILL their best song) and working the same job as Nono or something like that. Old S/mileage. Is. DEAD. (That might be an exaggeration.) Well, as of the release of their new MV, Mystery Night.

Before I watched this MV, I didn’t know what I was expecting. Something a bit cheeky like Ee Ka and Yattaruchan? Something just a little more grown up, like Atarashii Watashi? Something really boring like that single that came before Yattaruchan? Well, I can tell you now that you get none of the above.

It’s like… S/mileage (read: the management) are trying to get rid of their young, cute image and replace it with a more mature one, and to do that they’ve (read: the management has) released a potentially divisive music video featuring the girls being all sexy and singing about sexy things. This is a highly original thing to do! No one has ever done that before, ever! (Note my sarcasm.)

Also, S/mileage have just announced a Budokan tour, so I’m very much looking forward to seeing them sing and dance about with huge teddies on their back, and also dwarves.

Anyway, on with the MV review! (You’re getting two in two days, lucky things. And then you’ll get months of no new posts while I revise for exams.)

Here is my first issue:

Did no one seriously spell check before this video went live? I’m not really one to comment on uploading videos, since I’ve only done it once before, but I remember I had ages to wait while it was uploading; enough time to quickly edit the title or the description or even the tags if I noticed any spelling errors. Also, I know that bla bla bla the English translation is not meant to be perfect, but come on, guys. At least double check on Google to see if you’re right – you don’t even need a dictionary anymore! The Internet is great at pointing out how shit you are at spelling!

I tried to print screen this without the bar popping up, but alas. That’s why, with my superb Paint skills (what I’m currently using to review this MV btw) I highlighted the offending article with a nice red line. HOW IS MYSTERY SPELLED CORRECTLY IN THE ACTUAL SODDING VIDEO AND NOT IN THE FRIGGIN’ TITLE?!!!! This really annoys me because it’s not just a simple case of them not knowing how to spell an irregularly spelled word. They’ve seen the finished product, they know that’s how you spell ‘mystery’ and yet they still spelled it incorrectly. If you can think of a genuine reason as to why this huge fail occured than I will accept it and be on my way, otherwise I’m just going to sit here and fume about this like the spelling Nazi that I am.

“Hey,” I hear you object, “There’s nothing wrong with this video! It looks perfectly normal – it’s a bit dark, yes, but surely that’s no cause for concern? At least they’re not snogging Barbie dolls in a swimming pool!”

“Ah,” I reply to you, even though you haven’t said anything, and this dialogue is just me imagining scenarios, “This is only the beginning, though, my child. You will see, you will see…”

That black bar above and below the video make it feel like I’m print screening a film.

Let’s look at the outfits. Tsunku tweeted that the outfits for one of the songs would be erotic, and I dunno about you, but these look pretty erotic to me. I particularly love that oh-so-subtle pink line (LOL it makes them look like they have saggy boobs LOL).

She looks like she was made to wear that and do this entire video against her will 😦

Yes, the ‘centre’ for Mystery Night is Meimei, if I may borrow a term from a completely different idol conglom. (Although I’d forgive you if you thought this was an AKBesque video.)

I actually saved this as ‘That one who looks like Aibon’ because I couldn’t remember Kanyon’s name

“Pffffft!” You snort. “Now you’re just being ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with these lyrics! Idols sing about applying makeup all the time!”

Oh really, Mr. Sceptical Reader? What do you say to THIS:

I’m very uncomfortable with Meimei getting this line.

And THIS:

Why does she always look bored in the MVs? SHOW SOME DAMN EMOTION, GIRL

And how about THIS:

Akari has the correct expression here: contemptuous; ready to drop kick a douche.

A SMILE WITH AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE. RUN. THE FUCK. AWAY.

What happened to singing about summer bikinis?

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

The lyric before this one was ‘Tonight I’ll show you’ so yeah, make of this what you will. I don’t think Kanyon’s talking about dreams, per se…

We interrupt your questionable lyric count with WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? I added the arrow for extra clarity but OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. HOW DID THEY EVEN GET AWAY WITH THIS I DON’T WHAT

THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO TREAT YOUR SENIOR MEIMEI.

I am extremely uncomfortable with this. This entire video sways, giggling raucously, on the line between ‘a little sexy’ and ‘softcore porn’.

Yeah, definitely some line swaying here.

On our right, we see the beginnings of an intimate coupling. On our left, a vampire going in for the kill.

Akari’s enjoying this a liiiittle too much.

OH MY GOD THEY’RE ALL GOING AT IT. I feel like I’m intruding.

Kanyon is implying that she might like a threesome. Let that swill in your mind for a bit.

And now, back to the questionable lyrics. It’s almost a relief…

Look at that coy smile. She’s certainly not talking about line dancing, that’s for sure. (I don’t know why that was the first form of dancing to come into my head.)

Ayacho greatly abusing her position as HBIC of S/mileage.

You guys, I think we’ve got it all wrong. I don’t think Sayu, with her love of the lolis, is the real problem here. JUST LOOK AT WHAT AYACHO DOES TO HER KOUHAIS.

Thank God we’ve come to the end of the video.

The MV ends with the beginnings of an orgy. OK, not really, but look at that screenshot and tell me that doesn’t look wrong.

I haven’t talked about the vocals or the choreography in the MV. Meimei is a powerhouse, as per, and I think everyone gets one (questionable) line. The dancing is fairly sexy, but it’s tame compared to the stuff you see in Western music videos today, for example. All in all, I can’t say I’m the biggest fan of the video, or the song. The latter might grow on me but for me, it’s not as instantly catchy as Ee Ka and Yattaruchan were. As for my dislike of the video, I think it’s because I’m not the intended audience for it. If you’re a male fan, you’ll love it. If you’re a lesbian, you’ll also love it. As I’ve said above, I just found it uncomfortable to watch.

A fan replied to Tsunku’s Tweet about the erotic outfits, hoping for some cute ones, and Tsunku said there would be cute outfits as well. Hopefully that means I’ll like the MV for Eighteen Emotion more than this one!

EDIT: I forgot to add the MV at the end of the post! Here it is 🙂

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